Ah, the first movie weekend of the year, in which we both experience the final greatness of the former year as awards season goes into full swing, and in which we plummet full-throttle into the worst few months of the year. Why is it that the first new movie of every year is always a lackluster horror flick? It’s simply because we are in January now, the studio dumping grounds, and it’s time to lower those expectations.
2016 has kicked off with The Forest, a lame ghost story about a very real horror. Aokigahara Forest is a piece of real Japanese legend, a serene and picturesque destination for those contemplating suicide, and a place that is also believed to harvest those deceased spirits. The movie concerns a girl named Sara Price (played with a more or less convincing American accent by Brit Natalie Dormer) whose twin sister Jess (also played more or less convincingly by Dormer) was last seen entering the Forest from which so few living souls return. Going by intuition and some sort of supernatural connection she believes she has with Jess, Sara believes her sister has not killed herself and needs rescuing. She recruits the help of Australian journalist Aiden (Taylor Kinney) and park ranger Michi (Yukiyoshi Ozawa) to search the forest, hindered by obstacles of evil visions and deceptions by the native specters.
The problems with the movie, which was penned by three writers of little experience and directed by a guy with no other film credits, are most frequently ones of logic. This is the kind of movie where the characters behave in ways that lack all common sense, allowing the audience ample opportunity to shout obvious advice at the screen and feel superior in their great knowledge. Seriously, the most fun to be had at this thing is if you enjoy teenagers shrieking things like “Don’t turn around!” and “Somebody turn a light on!” and “Girl, you stupid!”
So, it’s a dumb movie, and not just because the people in it behave stupidly, but because their whole situation is driven by a plot of nonsense. Every bit of information we’re given, especially concerning the death of Sara and Jess’ parents, feels like the movie desperately trying to waste time in-between fright scenes. The psychic connection between the twins is often mentioned but never actually used, and the actual plight/fate of Jess goes bizarrely unexplained. Not to mention the forced attempts at romantic chemistry between Sara and Aiden, who are forced by the script to awkwardly flirt at all the weirdest moments. It was during these scenes that I felt kind of bad for the actors, but at least they got paid for it.
All of this sort of thing can be forgiven and ignored in a horror movie if it is at least scary. That brings us to The Forest’s most garish fault: its downright laziness. The idea of a ghost-filled forest that preys on minds of the depressed is a harrowing one, ripe with disturbing possibilities. But this movie didn’t bother to come up with anything but the most sub-standard spooky fodder. “Boo” moments are at the climax of every scene, getting increasingly easy to predict as the formula that didn’t work at the very beginning is reused ad nauseam. What makes it all even worse is that the jolt scenes mostly aren’t even relevant to the story at hand, usually resorting to throwing old ladies and moldy children at the screen, and hoping that’s enough to get a jump.
Don’t you get me wrong! I love seeing good horror movies. The genre of PG-13 ghost stories have become their own entity precisely because it’s an opportunity for all ages to experience that fun, spine-tingling thrill of harmless movie terror, without having to wade through the gore of their R-rated brethren. That doesn’t mean that any movie with creepy pictures and sudden jolts is worth bothering with. It’s all in execution. The Forest is a sloppy mess through and through, but it ultimately fails because it just isn’t fun to watch. It isn’t fun because it isn’t scary, and it isn’t scary because it lacks suspense. This weekend’s new movie openings are The Forest and the nationwide release of Alejandro Inarittu’s stunning and powerful The Revenant, so your choice should be pretty easy.
D
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