The Sitter (2011)

Jonah Hill is one of those faces you know you've seen somewhere, but you don't really remember where. I spent half of this movie thinking, "Where'd I see that guy, again?" Apparently, he's been in plenty of stuff, including Accepted, Knocked Up, Superbad, Strange Wilderness, Get Him to the Greek, and Moneyball. Which one of those seems out of place? I'll give you a hint: it's Moneyball. This movie, The Sitter, is one of his few starring roles, brought to you by director David Gordon Green, the same guy who brought you Pineapple Express. Even though I'm more likely to remember Hill better now because of this movie, that's not really a good thing. This is not Moneyball, nor is it even Pineapple Express. Green also directed the insipid Your Highness. This is closer to that than anything else I've mentioned thus far.

Hill plays a 20-something named Noah (The irony that both the actor and the character have Biblical names is wasted.) who reluctantly agrees to babysit for three of the most absurd cinematic children to ever grace the screen. He ends up dragging them along while he tries to get some cocaine for his would-be girlfriend and lots of supposedly funny mistakes are made. The movie excuses itself by having a "moral" at the end where all the kids realize they're imperfect and do their best to change. These moments feel tacked on and unnecessary compared to the mindless ferocity of the rest of the movie's "humor." I find myself not caring that these kids learn a lesson because they simply are not children. They are figments of an over-zealous cinematic imagination that has created three shadows that act as mere devices in a story that is already missing a great deal of logic and tact. There is a girl who wants to be a celebrity, but learns that make-up is for sluts. There is a boy who decides he is gay and therefore doesn't need to pop pills anymore. Last and most offensively, there is an adopted Hispanic who likes to blow things up. I think his lesson was that he's a jerk, but it's not really made clear. He's just here to blow stuff up. Someone thought that would be funny.

This is a movie so overflowing with ludicrous nonsense that it forgets that there isn't anything funny, or better yet original, about anything going on here. Jonah Hill, who turns out to be a relatively funny and likable star, makes the movie slightly watchable, but even then only in a strangely bland way. Really, just everything about this movie is a failure and I think we can forget about David Gordon Green making a funny movie like Pineapple Express again. If there's one movie this year you'll never remember, it's The Sitter. And it came out in December.

4/10