The Heat (2013)

Sandra Bullock is a friendless, arrogant FBI agent. Melissa McCarthy is a vicious, foul-mouthed police officer. These two have to work together? Laugh as they simply won’t allow each other to walk through a door first. Thrill as they use their resources and intellect (sarcasm) to track down a prosperous drug dealer. Cry as they learn the value of their friendship and use teamwork to get the job done. How can anyone resist such magic?

This is more or less how the one trailer for The Heat read, as it played in front of every movie not rated G for the past eight months. Every time I saw the dratted thing, I felt so bad for its stars, who had somehow been suckered into what was obviously a disastrous production. Its director, Paul Fieg, had last made the genuinely hilarious piece of vulgarity Bridesmaids, an R-rated comedy women didn’t feel bad rooting for. It was clear to me that Fieg’s former success must have been due to talents other than himself, like the gifted writers and actresses involved in the film. In The Heat, Bullock looked really bored, even though she is capable of talented performances (see her Oscar win for The Blind Side). She also has a tendency to pick bad roles that do nothing for her reputation as a cheesy rom-com champion (see her Razzie win in All About Steve). McCarthy has risen in popularity in the last couple of years because of her hilarious role in Bridesmaids, but that character was so great because it was so unexpected. Now, she has allowed herself to be continually cast in similarly crude roles, game for anything and entertaining little.

The first stretch of The Heat plays out just as its trailer suggests. Bullock sleepwalks. McCarthy tears through scenery. Any attempts at actual humor are substituted with slap fights and desperately excessive use of profanity. Approximately halfway through, though, something happens. Things click into place. Chemistry is somehow established. Characters that were once obnoxious are suddenly likeable. Things are actually funny. What the heck happened here? I’m pretty sure the writers are to blame for the movie’s shortcomings. The plot of The Heat follows the buddy cop formula with such precision the actors are left with little wiggle room to salvage their roles into something memorable. It occurs to me that most of the jokes that made me laugh were of the off-the-wall variety, separate from the story at hand. The jokes that establish and develop plots and characters fall flat. This just adds to what the Marx brothers proved many decades ago: the worst thing that can happen to screwball comedy is the plot getting in the way of the jokes.

In the end, I enjoyed The Heat more than I rightly should have. It is not a good movie. It becomes an enjoyable one through no fault of its own, though most viewers won’t know the difference. I would like to see these women paired up in a better comedy. If they were able to save this one from being completely unwatchable, imagine what they could do with good material. I especially think McCarthy has a chance at going far in her climb of fame. She brings great energy and comic timing to all of her performances and, judging from her bloopers, she can keep a straight face for an extraordinarily long time. Directors need to stop letting her improvise, though, because her worst lines always seem to be her own. Also, whoever handled the advertising for this picture needs to be fired immediately.

5/10