Recent Movie Round-Up!!

I saw a handful of movies at the local motion picture movie theater cinema and I had thoughts and opinions about them and I wrote those thoughts and opinions down on the internet. These are those self-same thoughts. To sum them up: meh.

Black Mass--There was a gangster who did bad things and got arrested for them. Yeah, and? There's a lot of good acting in this movie, especially Johnny Depp who has become quite the hated actor these days, but who obviously still has the dramatic chops to carry a movie like this. But it just doesn't add up to anything. There's barely a story and no real suspense, but it's reasonably well-made and certainly watchable, despite its worthlessness. B-

The Green Inferno--Eli Roth is such a big name in modern horror that it's surprising this is only his fourth film as director. And it fits with his canon of work, meaning that it's a crass, gory thing that only loyal horror fans will love. It works best when considered as something of an audience participation piece, where everyone reacts in a "Can you believe that just happened?" way, on which level I enjoyed it, but I prefer my horror to be unsettling as opposed to outrageous. B-

The Intern--I am of the belief that Robert de Niro and Anne Hathaway are both so loveable that they could appear in the most horrible crap of a movie imaginable and it would turn out worth watching. Take this one, for instance, which may not be all-out crap, but is still lazily directed and with a screenplay that is desperate for the laughs and tears of its gullible audience. If it gets any of either, and it admittedly does work a little here and there, it's entirely because of the charm and talent of its stars. B-

The Scorch Trials--Look, I liked 'The Maze Runner.' It was a fun and mysterious thriller that seemed far better than the other teen apocalypse franchises (*cough* Divergent *cough*), but this sequel is even worse than the others. It's criminally pointless, with the characters (who have no personalities and are interchangeable) meandering from place to place, occasionally yelling, "Bad guys! Run!!!" and otherwise accomplishing nothing. Literally the only event that holds any significance to the series as a whole happens at the very end, over two hours after everyone has probably stopped caring. I could actually feel my life slowly draining from me as I prayed for the sweet release of credits. D

The Visit--I do not hate M. Night Shyamalan or found footage horror, even though they have both committed terrible atrocities against me and my fellow man. They both have had their great moments (Sixth Sense, Blair Witch Project) and I can see the potential they could both reach if they would just repent and change their ways. This movie shows a lot of promise, since it's actually fairly entertaining despite its many flaws, like the fact that the characters are annoying. It also has a pretty believable excuse for being found footage and even uses it to the advantage of the movie's thrills, rather than working around it like so many others have done. This is a good step towards redemption, though I'm not quite ready to forgive yet. I still need more time to heal. B-

I had every attention of seeing Everest, Hotel Transylvania 2, and Pawn Sacrifice last weekend, but I just didn't, that's all.