Brand-spanking-new, factory-sealed movies I've seen!---
Mad Max: Fury Road-The story may be simple enough to be almost non-existant, but this is just about as fun, original, and exciting as you could ask an action movie to be. May other action flicks take note. It really isn't that hard. A-
Spy-The strangely serious plot bogs it down a little, but this is good, goofy fun. Unless you just really hate Melissa McCarthy, the brand of self-aware humor in which this movie revels, a...nd/or R-rated language, it will make you laugh. B+
Mad Max: Fury Road-The story may be simple enough to be almost non-existant, but this is just about as fun, original, and exciting as you could ask an action movie to be. May other action flicks take note. It really isn't that hard. A-
Spy-The strangely serious plot bogs it down a little, but this is good, goofy fun. Unless you just really hate Melissa McCarthy, the brand of self-aware humor in which this movie revels, a...nd/or R-rated language, it will make you laugh. B+
Insidious: Chapter Three-It's hardly terrifying, but I enjoyed how patient it was (The first scare doesn't happen for a good several minutes), focusing on its characters as much as the frightening stuff, flimsy though they both were. 71-year-old Lin Shaye is terrific. B
We Are Still Here-A middle-aged couple gets haunted by some burn victims and stuff; you know the drill. This is derivative and slightly half-baked stuff, but it's spooky and has a likable eagerness about it. You can tell that a lot was done with a little. B
Jurassic World-Yep, it's a dinosaur movie all right. I didn't find it particularly entertaining, boring, smart, or stupid. It was just fine. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing great about it. Meh. B-
San Andreas-Whereas, this was a whole bucket of exciting that was unfortunately very dumb. Fantastic disaster scenes are marred by idiotic dialogue and bad acting. B-
Tomorrowland-It's not about much of anything and you leave with an unsatisfied taste in your mouth, but it was so innocent and charming that I enjoyed it anyway. What is wrong with me?!? B-
Aloha-Oh, it tried so hard. And Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone are such a good couple. And I love Bill Murray. But, yuck. It's weird. It's illogical. It gave me emotion poisoning. C
Poltergeist-Why does this exist? Some good set-up, lots of stupid pay-off, and absolutely nothing that explains why such a classic needed revisiting. C-
Avengers: Age of Ultron-This movie is the Anti-Max. It has slightly more going for it than the original, because it is at least trying to tell a coherent story, but it's still a painfully dull, loud, obnoxious, mangled bowl of diarrhea. I hate it with all my heart. D
That's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!
We Are Still Here-A middle-aged couple gets haunted by some burn victims and stuff; you know the drill. This is derivative and slightly half-baked stuff, but it's spooky and has a likable eagerness about it. You can tell that a lot was done with a little. B
Jurassic World-Yep, it's a dinosaur movie all right. I didn't find it particularly entertaining, boring, smart, or stupid. It was just fine. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing great about it. Meh. B-
San Andreas-Whereas, this was a whole bucket of exciting that was unfortunately very dumb. Fantastic disaster scenes are marred by idiotic dialogue and bad acting. B-
Tomorrowland-It's not about much of anything and you leave with an unsatisfied taste in your mouth, but it was so innocent and charming that I enjoyed it anyway. What is wrong with me?!? B-
Aloha-Oh, it tried so hard. And Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone are such a good couple. And I love Bill Murray. But, yuck. It's weird. It's illogical. It gave me emotion poisoning. C
Poltergeist-Why does this exist? Some good set-up, lots of stupid pay-off, and absolutely nothing that explains why such a classic needed revisiting. C-
Avengers: Age of Ultron-This movie is the Anti-Max. It has slightly more going for it than the original, because it is at least trying to tell a coherent story, but it's still a painfully dull, loud, obnoxious, mangled bowl of diarrhea. I hate it with all my heart. D
That's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!
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